Monday, May 17, 2010

Where I'm Going

I woke up this morning with a strange kind of energy. It wasn't the kind that had me wanting a run or even a brisk walk around the block. This was a different kind of feeling, one that I have had frequently for awhile. A desire to be creative, at that moment, or at least that day. The feeling takes hold of me, upon awakening in the morning. At work, I would forget about it, caught up in the welter of patient care. When I get home, it's there again. I search for an outlet. Often, I find my notebook and pen and sit on the couch - if I haven't managed to become brain-dead by the end of the work day. Perhaps a recent conversation with E, an image of a patient, or an idea during my morning walk comes to me, and this becomes a springboard for my writing. I put my pen to paper, and many times I don't know where I'm going with the trajectory of my thoughts, my words. I drink my tea, my bowl of matcha, and ideas flow a little more briskly. I am quickened and calmed at the same time.

At other times, the urge to be creative is only mildly insistent, not sending me to my notebook. I turn to the kitchen, to thoughts of baking a cake, to cooking; it could be as elemental as stirring a pot of rice on the stove. My fingers itch to do, to create.

A spray of flowers sits in a vase on the window ledge in the kitchen, and the sunlight dances in shifting patterns. I want to capture the scene. Yet, another photo of this still-life, but this time the light is more muted. I wield the camera this way and that. Sometimes, I see the desired effect in the photo. Other times, the result is something else entirely.

This morning, I made granola, missing this ritual, not having done it for two whole weeks. I missed the well-trodden steps of mixing the oats, pounding the cardamon seeds to a fine dust. Today, though, I would use maple syrup in lieu of honey, add a touch of nutmeg to the mix as well. And I would try to get that yet-to-be attained golden luster that you always see in store-bought granola (it's hard to achieve this look when you try to limit the amount of oil used as I do). So I baked the granola a little longer, at a lower temperature than usual, peering into the oven often, hoping to see that professional sheen of toastedness.

Well, my batch was more toasted looking on the fringes than usual, but it still bore the artisanal look of a home cook's handiwork - so much for my jab at culinary creativity.

The blog has been a creative outlet for me as well in the last year and a half. It has become less tea-centric over time - althought tea continues to permeate my life. My need to write is strong, and Tea Musings has fulfilled that to a degree. But I'm feeling restive, a little constrained by the blog medium. My writing efforts may take me away from this site more. For now, I would like to come by this corner now and then, continue to scribble my thoughts, and maybe break rank with my previous writings. I do not know how the site will evolve. Perhaps, you will stay with me as Tea Musings marches forward into the unknown.


artandtea said...

I love your writing and look forward to see where your path leads you. Enjoy the journey. :-)

Cha sen said...

Thanks, Karen! It's nice to have such a kind reader in you.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate the openness in which you convey the daily sensations of your life. Through use your creativity will take shape.

g. Rudner said...

Don't take too long of a vacation, as your blog is right at the top of my bookmarked favourites.